Yesterday as I reeled in the anguish of being shunned, I considered this cliché that really irks me, but it’s true. Nothing in life is certain, except pain and ultimately death - the pain of loss, of illness, rejection and injury.
As an artist and a woman when I am real, when I turn up authentically through my paintings and in my relationships, I expose myself - I risk being misunderstood, belittled or rejected. Fear trails faithfully at my heels.
Like you, I have a choice. To let fear prompt me to construct a fortress using rules, safeguards and watertight exit clauses, or to soothe fear gently, and with kindness harness courage and hope.
I choose the latter.
It’s not safe. Sometimes there is searing pain that threatens to overwhelm my spirit and tempts me to retreat. However I know that taking refuge within the keep prevents me seeing the full breadth of the sky. Pain may be dulled, but so too is joy. Enclosed in a fortress I only half live. To create art, to create a rich life, I need to continue to venture into open territory.
Gathering Dusk - Work in Progress, Oil on Canvas, 50x50cm
As autumn arrives I consider what I may experience as I paint in the vast, dry landscape of the desert.